'Fine tuning Love...'

His eyes were like dancing pools of amnesty
Immersed in the clear blue moments of my calamity...
He seemed to know just what I'd need,
For a brief moment in time, my hungry soul did feed!

Did it really all come down to one moment in Time?
One shot...one chance...One last climb?
He moved a little closer,
Looking straight way into my soul...
My heart fell into His arms,
He caught me all at once, as I melted down Low.
Our eyes met in the stillness of a warmly drawn stare,
It felt like we were in a still framed world of our own!
He seemed to know...I felt it more with each look...
If only I'd known,
That perhaps it was something else in his tone!

I never felt so close to all the pieces of my life,
Being found in one place...
In one moment...in one chance...In One MAN...
I'd never learned how to grow & harvest such a plan!

I peeked into his windows,
I saw his world...
I wanted to know him,
And the memories would not leave me...
For months it was all I could see!

Everything inside my racing mind..my racing heart,
Suddenly went very slow...
It was there that I found, I never wanted to go!
I'd come Home,
If only for a moment.
I was finally Home!
...I'd Found YOU!
I found Everything...imperfectly perfect just as I'd hoped.
Like a still beating telegraphic kaleidescope!   

Alabaster skies showed me the way...
You told me to roll...it was my turn, So PLAY!
And I thought some how some way,
By some crazy off chance,
That it would all be fine & things would be okay!

And then the Questions came flying at me,
And I could not breath!
Before I could speak, I began to shake and to heave!
At that moment, I felt so low...so ashamed!
But mostly ashamed....to even be alive!
Funny how that works, how you feel like nothing...
Even when you have not a thing to hide.

I knew you were never coming,
To give me that ride...
So I felt It only right that I let go...of You.
I could no longer hide!

But somehow the dice kept rolling
For just a little longer,
Things got all pale & blurry..
Then...life got swept back into the wind,
In one hell of a hurry!

"Because he taught me"...I tried to whisper
I tried to gasp...
"To Know..."
"TO FEEL...TO FEEL!"
"TO FEEL WHAT IS REAL"..
I said after my final roll...still trying to explain!
Knowing the story was quite long,
Full of  riddles' & maze's
Filled with volumes of color coded full view pages!
Leading down roads that must of made you feel crazy!
Bringing you inside my world,
....So rusted & haizey!

My words came out all wrong,
My stories all strange!
You must of thought I was totally Insain!
I gave into my fears..I froze up & quivered...
I tried so damn hard to hit the ball,
But the splash only got bigger, the more that i'd  fall!
In the end their was little left, after such a great fall!
Only the presence of something once Big,
Leaving it's flattened mark on a really Big wall!

My predecessor's taught me, not to follow what I see...
Not to follow the winds that blow right thru me,
Not to trust in just any shadow I see,
...Or in people who offer their stuff for free!

Can you See...Can you FEEL?
I was so scared,  I admitt it.
But I came for one reason, and only One...
But as you know,
That's when the real nightmare begun!

Their are few who come the distance,
Or ever turn the KEY...
And a tormented soul such as I,
Rarely makes it past chance number three!!!
With so many Odds,
Stacked against All to BE...
I found only a cold Hell,
That lied in the waits to bury me!
There to knab me should I fall again, should I not succeed!
Waiting on the wings of a deamon vulture,
That by day scours over head to devour me!

And all I wanted, was to be with YOU!
I only wanted YOU...I Loved you so Completey..
I Loved you so Much!!!
Instead I found myself immersed in strong currents,
Weighed down in fearce water's...in waves of reality  
Drowning in a burning realness too raw to swallow!
Self pity submerged me, sinking as I wallowed!

I still can't breath when I think how close it was...
I'm only glad you'll never know.

The memories are sobering,
Sometimes the Pain too real!
Is this what a dieing poet's heart, was meant to feel?
I won't give in & grow numb and insane...
I've got to believe their's more...one more plane!

True Love, I won't declare I'm worthy of YOU...
But some things will always hold true...
Like that burning Hope that swells as I breath,
Like the realities that burn and melt and bleed...
Against suffocating grey skies, that take a cold winter's lead...
Bringing me back once more to the Hope that feeds!  

Sometimes the Journey feels twice as long...
Twice as drawn out,
Twice as hard to BELIEVE...
AND yet I still DO!
I Still want to Give...and need.

....AND I STILL LOVE YOU!

And yet I still LOVE YOU,
Like never before...
But the rain is really falling,
Washing away my swollen street...
I can't seem to run fast enough,
To escape the coming heat!

I still whisper in the dark to you,
Though your not there, I fear..
Nothing comes close to a colder Hell,
Than the thought of never having you near!

So, come just a little closer please...don't leave.
Your eyes will deceive you, so put them away,
Don't stop and ask directions, as most flesh LOVES to lie,
Squashing you deader than dead before you can fly!
Don't whisper your Love into the cold dark winds,
You never know where it'll end up...
Most likely at the bottom of some unintended cup!

Am I to know the next line?
Am I to know what song?
What to listen to next?
The list as you know, is actually quite long...

Are you ready to feel?
A Highway awaits...
Sweet Trinity...Alas fills the air!
A highway of stairs...
Is it really up there?
Far reaching, long paved...
Made of roads that never end.
Are all Dreams this BIG on the border's of sin?

I've dreamed of a place,
Where marching bands play...
To an army of angels in song!
Their are no wheels to spin...no gambles to place,
And the games up there...well there just for fun!
Nobody has to die...
And words can no longer mix with devilish lies!
A place where all your Questions,
Finally meet up with all your Whys!.

For truth tells a much different story...there,
I hear.
Far less can be quite expensive...
It's cheaper just to cast in your fear's!

Be Still and know...Be still and know...
Someone once told me, "To be still and know!"
But I didn't understand!
So I had to pay!
For each & everything I did not see...
Up front, in advance...Right then & there!
It nearly costed everything inside of me.

But it was a road that led me,
No regrets...
To where all roads led to ONE,
Then the words to this story unraved and spilled.
Was it done?
Still there's a song stuck in my head...
All mixed up & undone,
Still there...waiting to be danced too & sung!

I still look for you there...
And also here.
In the crowd's that walk by,
In the faces that hide,
Taking my Hope out for another spin...
Out for another ride!

I Still Love you...

And I still write sappy Love songs that make me cry...
And cheesy poetry too.
They all speak one name,
They all speak of You.